Restaurant Managers Should Maintain an Effective Blood Caffeine Level

A Caffeine Addict's Questionnaire

It's 6am. Your alarm is blaring but you can't move, not until you hear the coffee maker finish brewing. When you wake up in the morning do you feel like you suffer from Caffeine Deficit Disorder (CDD)? Because of the long and varied hours of sustained high energy activity, restaurant managers are more susceptible than most others in the workforce. We rank up there with college students during finals week, emergency room personnel, addicted gamblers, and internet geeks. If you suffer from this affliction, you should know missing just one trip to Starbucks on the way to work could prove fatal. Take this restaurant manager evaluation to determine whether or not you have CDD, the only known cure for which is massive amounts of caffeine on a consistent basis. The following series of Yes or No questions may help shed light on whether or not you are maintaining an effective Blood Caffeine Level while working those lovely Close/Opens. The more Yes answers, the more likely it is you're able to run a successful 16 hour shift for the 8th day in a row. (A good thing to know in the restaurant industry.)

1. Do you use coffee to escape from your problems?

a) ...while people tell you coffee is your problem?

2. Do you eat spoonfuls of instant coffee because it's easier?

3. Have you ever awakened in a puddle of your own coffee?

4. Do you find that it's easier to just drink more coffee than go to sleep?

5. Have you ever had cold coffee?

a) ...right out of the pot?

b) ...and enjoyed it?

6. Do you spend more than 20% of your income on coffee and caffeine paraphernalia?

7. Does the coffee cup your staff bought for you resemble:

a) ...a beer stein?

b) ...a tea pitcher?

c) ...a pony keg?

8. Do you believe caffeine really is one of the food groups?

9. Do you need coffee:

a) ...to get up in the morning?

b) ...to get out of bed?

c) ...to be injected intravenously to stimulate blood-flow?

10. Do you own a "Coffee Helmet" for convenient hands-free drinking on the fly?

11. Do Native North American Peoples call you "Ona Mac JavaJava" (Smells-Like-Coffee)?

12. Does your doctor measure your heartbeat on the Richter scale as well as by its frequency?

13. To get your fix for the day have you ever:

a) ...sold personal possessions?

b) ...sold someone else's possessions?

c) ...gone in to work on your day off just to drink free coffee?

14. At closing time, is the sidework "breaking down the coffee machine":

a) ...done only by you as you leave?

b) ...done only on your days off?

c) ...able to strike terror into your heart?

15. Do you have a coffee maker in more than one room of your house?

a) ...in more than five?

b) ...in your bathroom?

c) ...in your car?

16. Do the people at Second Cup refuse to give you free coffee cards anymore?

a) ...because you're wearing out their hole-punch?

b) ...because it's bad for the environment?

17. Do you grind your own coffee?

18. Do you grow your own coffee?

19. Has your P&L ever been called into question because you're "drinking the profits"?

20. Do you know Juan Valdez?

a) ...and his donkey?

b) ...intimately?

21. Do you salivate uncontrollably whenever you hear dripping water?

22. Is sleep a hobby of yours?

a) ...that you don't like?

b) ...because it's too frustrating?

Written by Brian Bruce  Brought to you by www.RestaurantManagerRescue.com